Two Words: Bath House

Turkey. There aren't any words that are going to do this post justice. Probably one of the funniest moments of my life happened here. So remember how I told you we didn't have an excursion planned and we were just going to "wing it?" Last night, before we got up at 3:00 AM to watch our Lakers lose, we decided to go through the cruise Gazetter that tells you all about your next port of call. Normally we don't really pay much attention to these things, but we knew NOTHING about Turkey and needed all the help we could get. One of the articles is titled: 5 places you don't want to miss in Turkey. Perfect! We'll just do those 5 things. This is easy.

We get off the boat with our Gazetter in hand and head to places #1 and #2. Sadly, a lot like down town LA but with really well dressed sales people. Like they could work at Nordstroms but really they are screwing tourists over in some alley in Turkey. Onto #3. Turkish Bath house. We can't find the darn place. Some guy sees Jared and I twisting and turning the map hoping to figure out where we are and asks if we need help. Totally dude!!! We tell him where we are wanting to go and he smiles and tells us he'll personally walk us there. Nicest guy ever. Or so we think. We walk up and down, up and down, tiny alley after tiny alley until we get to a door with the words Bath House on the outside. To be honest, just one look at the place, scared us. A lot. But we decide to not be those lame tourists we see walking about and give it a chance.

We walk in and the heat hits us like a ton of bricks! There is a smell I seriously cant describe. Somewhere between cigarettes and soap. Not bad, just different. The helper man tells Jared "he's gonna LOVE this place" in a too creepy of voice and he offers us a tour. We walk through a tiny (we had to literally crouch down to get inside!) wooden door and see a room with a giant marble slab with two giant Turkish men scrubbing what we think are two other men with suds flying everywhere.

A few seconds of deliberation and 17 Euro later and we're in. He shows us to the changing room upstairs and hands us the "cloth" we will be wearing. Big enough to cover the important parts, but small enough to show everything in between. We change, walk down stairs and are told to sit in the "marble room" for 20 minutes. It is by far the hottest room I have ever set foot in. Like, should be illegal it's so hot. We sit there for what feels like an eternity and then some man walks in with an oven looking mitt on his hand. Tells Jared to lay down (sunny side up first thank you very much) and begins to scrub him from head to toe. Literally. Not like the gentle exfoliation we have back in the States but like a "Brillo pad/I'm going to hurt you" kind of way. Scrub Scrub, time to flip over. It's onto the back and then sit up and scrub your neck and face.

After this, he asks Jared for a shampoo and Jared says yes without hesitation. The giant Turkish man grabs a bottle of their version of Suave and squirts it on top of his head. Lathers Jared up like its nobodys business! Not just his head either. But his face, chest, arms, etc...He then grabs a bucket of water and begins to pour it over Jared. Over and over and over and over and over and over again. There was a minute there that I thought Jared might drown. All I could do was lay on my marble bench and laugh until I cried.

Next up: me. Same sort of thing except he lingered on my boobies unlike with Jared. Jared sort of sat there helpless as his wife was being man handled with soap suds by this Turkish freak. Whew- we thought. Almost outta here.

But wait...another guy walks in and he's ready for the "massage" part of our bath. Who knew?? He had us lie on the marble and covered us in suds that he magically made appear by blowing into some type of pillow case. By far the weirdest thing I have ever seen. I'll tell you one thing though- this dude knew how to give a massage! It was hands down the best massage I have ever had. No candles or soft music playing in the back ground. This guy meant business!!

When we were done, they threw buckets of cold water on us, on them, on the marble...everywhere. We walked out of the room and they covered us in towels like we were part of the Taliban and we were done. We politely declined the hot oil massage they offer after the bath partly beacuse we were just grateful we were still alive and thought we should just quite while we were ahead!

This had to be one of the funniest moments of my life. Seeing Jared being tossed around like a fish on that marble still makes me giggle as I type this. He's promised the rest of this cruise will be rated PG. At the rate we're headed- it's turning into some type of porno cruise. My mom would be so proud!!

Super size, Super Man, Super Paradise

I would love to write about all the wonderful things I did yesterday while we were at sea. But, truth be told- Jared and I slept until 5:00pm!! How lucky is our cleaning room guy? Seriously, I think all that Xanax caught up to me (not sure why Jared was so tired though... hmmmmm) I made it to dinner in some sort of haze. It was "wear matching dresses night" for the Miles family girls. Except me. No one told me about the theme. Nor would I really care. So they all got dressed up in black and blue and I wandered in wearing the cutest white and black pin stripe dress and red patent leather red heels you've ever seen. While standing in line to take the ever famous family photo- 3 different women gave me a compliment on my dress. TAKE THAT! Matching my .... (censored for my mom)

So, now I'm in Greece. Nothing like I had imagined but beautiful in it's own right. We didn't have that much time here or an excursion planned for that matter so we thought we would just ask around and see what people recommend. Everyone kept telling us the same place to go. A beach called Paradise. 10 minute taxi ride to the south side of the island. We won't be disappointed. We wait in line for a taxi and start talking to some locals. We tell them about our plan for "Paradise" and they tell us how there is a beach just 10 minutes further away called "Super Paradise." Well, who wants to settle for just paradise when there is a "Super" to be had? No us. We take Jesse (Jareds 18 year old brother) along with us and head to "Super Paradise." 12 Euros later the taxi cab driver tells us to walk down this tiny walk way and we'll be there. Little did we know what we were walking into. Apparently in Greek "Super" means "nude." It was Jesse's dream come true. We (Jesse and Jared) decide we should stay so we set up camp as close to the water as possible. Less scenery to look at. Or so I thought. It's hot here, so all the nude women and men decide to play in the water. The locals here where the tiniest bikinis you could imagine and still roll them up to make them even smaller! At one point I tell Jared and Jesse that they better control themselves or I am going to throw down. Sickos! I tell both of them to lay on their stomachs and NOT GET UP! That is until the huge breasted (Robbie- you'd be in HEAVEN) woman lays down in one beach chair together with her speedo wearing boyfriend and they both undress and begin to ... whats the word???.... Neck? I dont know. It wasnt making out and it wasnt sex. Some where in between. We were so close to them I seriously could have touched them. Ewww!! I had had enough. I need a Diet Coke and a taxi. Stat.

We made our way back to the boat and Jared and Jesse are both resting peacefully after their cold showers. It's onto Turkey tomorrow and we have high hopes!! Wish us luck and keep those prayers coming. I've made it through 2 family dinners and no one's gone over board!!

And we're off...

That's right- it's time for our European Vacation as planned. First stop- my doctors office for a new RX of the good stuff. I sit in her office and explain to her my situation and to make a long story short- it ends with her writing me the script and leaving me with these words "I'll pray for you!" Nice. I leave with the script in hand. Smiles.

We leave for the airport at 3:0o in the morning. to catch our 6 o'clock flight. Did I mention it was an international flight? Apparently you are supposed to be there a couple hours ahead of time. Who knew. It was a mad dash at the ticket counter with the wonderful Delta employees giving all 11 of us a lengthy lecture on time management. We make it to the gate just in time to board. Perfect. Smooth sailing (pardon the pun) from here right?

Well, it would have been without the 10 year old who sat behind me and bounced his seat back table (which is actually part of MY CHAIR) for a few hours as I tried to sleep. I gave him the stink eye a few times hoping he would pick up on my annoyance. No such luck. He finally stopped when I yelled at him to stop. Hey- if his parents aren't going to say something- I am. He finally fell asleep and I got to watch Mr. Woodcock in peace. (which by the way, is one of the funniest movies I have seen in a long time! I will be quoting it for a long time to come I'm sure!)

We land in NYC for our 3 hour layover. No big right? WRONG! 3 hours is a long time to sit around and do nothing. I mean, how much Duty Free perfume and weird looking chocolates can one purchase? Then the time comes for our flight to board. I hear a faint pitter patter out the window. What could that be? Rain? How could that be- It's 80 degrees outside for heavens sake! They let us board any ways and the rain starts to pour creating huge puddles everywhere. I look out my window and watch it come down and then FLASH! Lighting. Every where! Captain comes on and announces the worst. Category 5 thunderstorm. We could be here all night. And we were. Somewhere in my Unisom/Xanax/Vicodin haze, I remember looking at the clock and realized we had been sitting on the tarmac for over 5 hours now! This has got to be hell I thought. We wait for the storm to pass and get the green light from God and we're good to go. Praise Sweet Jesus!

We land in Rome and we literally have 2 hours exactly to get on the boat before they leave without us. Buckle up and hold on cuz it's gonna be a quick trip. We made it through customs, managed to get all 11 people and our 22 large bags and 22 carryons stuffed into 2 Mini Vans. God bless Italy for not having speed limits. We pulled into the port with 1 minute to spare.

So we made it. My body doesn't know what time it is, or what day it is for that matter. (I can always just look in the elevator to find out right?) I made it through one meal with the family and no one got hurt. Next stop is Mykonos, Greece. I'm so excited to see that place. I hope it is what I picture in my mind. Lots of white buildings, perfect beaches, etc...you get the point.

Ciao

Consistantly Inconsistant

You want to know, so here it goes:
How was my weekend? Fan-tas-tic! Seriously, probably one of the best trips I've taken to Texas to date. You know that saying- "I can tell who you are by the company you keep?" Well, if that's true, than you would know that I am loving soul, I'm giving and hilarious. I am honest and sensitive, and thoughtful. I am kind and friendly, and I can make a mean fruit dip! I am smart and fun to be around. I give sound advice (even if someone else doesn't think so) and I am a listener. I am forgiving and empathetic. I have great style and taste. I have a house that smells great and have very soft feet. I have a testimony that may not be heard but can be seen and I love my Savior. Needless to say- I was in some of the best company one can imagine.
There were so many times when I had tears streaming down my face from laughing till I thought I might throw up this weekend. And yet somehow, I felt like I was discovering who I was deep down inside my shallow self. There isn't really a lot left to write about so I just thought I would post some pics and leave actual quotes that could be heard as the pictures were taken. "Julia, Julia- look over here!"
"There he is! I see him. He said yellow shirt and brown pants right? Yea- that's totally him!"

"Oh wait. I think that's him."
"Come on ride the train, the choo choo train..."
"All you godda do is take 23 to 118 to 405"
"Ok ready? 1...2... wait I have to back up. 1...2...hold on...1...2..."



This weekend will go down in history.

Run. and repent.

Check your self esteem at the door

Yesterday I was at my moms house saying hi to an old friend and chasing after my two children. My mom lovingly looks at me and says, "You're such a good mom Shannon." To which I reply half joking, "I know." We chat with with the friend and it hits me! Kody has a book report due. When was it due? Where is the paper with all the instructions? Shoot.

"Kody- when was your book report due?"
"Today."
"What? are you serious? Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know. I forgot. Everyone else had theirs done today."
"Hurry up and get in the car- we have a book report to do apparently."

At this point we get in the car, and my eyes start to well up with tears. I cannot believe I forgot about this. I never forget stuff like this. The problem was that we had read the book for the report 2 weeks before it was due and I just kind of tucked it away to do another day...Big mistake. On the drive home, I start telling Kody how sorry I am and how it's not his fault etc... I should have remembered this sort of thing etc... From the back seat comes this:

"And you thought you were a good mom. Looks like you spoke too soon!"

Are you kidding me? Thanks a lot Kody. Way to kick me while I'm down. With that comment floating in my head I let the flood gates opened and the rest is history. But wait- it gets worse... Not only was it a book report- it was a book report, a poster board presentation AND an oral report that he had to do from memory! Needless to say, it was a long night.

The haps

I think "update blog" has been on my To Do list every day for the past few weeks. Lenni is sound asleep in her crib, the animals have all been fed, laundry has all been washed/folded/put away, and I've got Itunes slowly playing in the background. I'm ready to post! Sadly, things around these neck of the woods have been pretty boring. Nothing really "post worthy" if you catch my drift. So what's a girl to write about? Not much apparently. I did however, go through my camera pics the other day and found some gems that would explain what we've been up to lately so I thought I'd give it a whirl...

Here's Lennix doing what she does best. Getting herself into things she shouldn't be into in the first place, and then screaming her head off until someone helps her. What a horrible mom- I grabbed the camera first!
And you wonder how Lennix got the nickname"Passi Whore"? We don't really call her that (in public) but come on, this is proof- the girl LOVES her some passi. How am I ever going to get her to give them up? The thought of jumping that hurdle makes me break out into hives. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Here's a picture of Lennix and her buddy Kenneddee . And no, that's not a typo. She is the daughter of Ryan and Ashley Roberts and they LOVE to play together. Even though they are only a few weeks apart, Lennix thinks she is a "baby" and has to show her how to do everything. Makes for an interesting night together!

Kody ran in the Agoura Kids 1 mile race a few weeks ago and did a great job! I was so worried to let him run on a closed course that parents couldn't be on, but once again Xanax saved the day. He was so proud of himself (rightfully so) and is looking forward to entering another race again soon. Good Job D-Kodes!That's right- I've got him converted! Kody is by far the pickiest eater in our family. I could seriously list the things he eats on 2 hands. Any mention of Frozen Yogurt and the kid would start to gag. But, thanks to G-spoon, Go Yo, and P-Berry (his favorite!) he is now a FroYo kind of kid! I love having someone to keep me company in my search for some of the goodness and not to mention- he's pretty cute to look at! Is it just me, or is anyone else shocked to see how fast our kids are growing up? Then we have San Fran. What can I say? Good food, perfect weather, and the best shopping I've done in a long time! I was all excited to take pictures, but I forgot my camera almost every time we left the hotel. I loved watching the fog (makes for the best running conditions) and was shocked to see how quickly it seemed to cover the city. This picture was taken early in the morning but then the fog would burn off and we had perfect 80 degree weather during the days!

I think I might have scared the other couple we were with because as soon as we parked at Pier 39- I literally RAN across the street to get to the mini donut place. Just as good as ever! We made it to the fruit stand where you would think we would buy fruit. But not us-we bought chocolate sauce to dip my donuts! Then it was off to get a Sourdough bowl, pizza, cupcakes, ice cream sundae, and then dinner at The Stinking Rose. (And that was just in one afternoon!)
Okay, so now that I look back- we haven't really done much. I've been too busy reading everyone else's blog. Not to mention packing for the best weekend of my life! People have warned Robbie about Sharalyn and I like we are a pack of wolves waiting to devour him. Not so people- we just want to show him a good time. I love to see people's face when I say that Robbie is coming with me to Texas. (He's not actually coming WITH me, but you get the point.) People don't know what to say... I love it! And no, Jared is not coming with us, and yes, he's okay with it. (as he should be) I've already told Robbie that we will either come back as best friends or one of us will be missing a limb. It's funny how this whole blogger thing has evolved huh? I've already planned my next post: (does anyone else do that?) I have tons of friends that I haven't added to my links list yet but I know you would all love. It's in the works....

Did anyone hear about Lou Pearlman being sentenced to 25 years in prison. 300 million dollars is apparently a lot of money to steal. No wonder what's his face is waiting tables at Wood Ranch!

And last but not least...did anyone else jump off their couch when David Cook was announced as the winner? He's been my favorite for so long- I think a few tears welled up in my eyes. I even tried to talk Jared into wearing cowboy boots and cutting his hair like Davids. (not going to happen he says) And more importantly, how big a can of whoop a$$ do you think Archulletas dad is going to open on that poor kid. Luckily he gets to go on tour so he can stay away from that creep. People keep saying that his dad is just like any other Stage dad. That's the point people- Stage Anything's are psychos! Live your dreams through some one else buddy. Can you imagine the Primary Program for Archulletas ward though? " we will now have a solo by David Archulleta and then another solo by David Archulleta, followed up by another solo by David Archulleta." You know somewhere in Utah is the proudest Primary Chorister EVER!

Okay, I think I am done. See, I don't post for a long time and then BAM- I hit you with one that you will have to pace yourself reading.... I will leave you with a picture of our little buddy Squirt. Last year Sharalyn told Kody she would get him a turtle for his birthday. I go into the pet store, tell them I am taking Kody to the movies but I need 1 turtle and everything that comes with it to keep it alive when I come back. The turtle Kody picks out is the size of a silver dollar. PERFECT! We go see the movie, drive back to the pet store, walk in and ask the lady where our turtle is. She gets on the loud speaker thing and asks for assistance with the turtle. No joke... down the aisle, come a kid pushing a flat cart with a glass cage so big I had doubts it would fit in my Hummer. The cage was so big, I could hardly even see the turtle. I told them there must have been some mistake, my turtle was only this big yadadada... and they smiled and reassured me I would need a tank this big. Whatever. I hand them the credit card and she rings me up. $360 later- we have our turtle. I call Shar and ask how much she wanted to spend on the turtle. She says maybe $25 or $30. Are you kidding me? We take him home (with the help of 4 of Jareds friends) and within a few months- we have the biggest turtle you have ever seen! People are scared of him when I pull him out. Kody can no longer hold him because he's so heavy. They weren't kidding around. You know that glass tank I told you about earlier? He's outgrown that! He now lives in my kitchen or outside with Robbie and then comes in at night. He eats a small bag of veggies and a bag of lettuce 3 or 4 times a day! Well, wish me luck for this weekend. I don't want to come home with one of Robbies limbs....

It was sweet but short

I had to post something new because to be honest, I was sick of looking at the last post. I wish I had lots to write about but, in reality- I do not. Life has been pretty mundane around here with no complaints. I am headed up to San Francisco for the weekend and I'm hoping to be able to fill my blog with great pictures and stories from up North! Wish me luck- it's a road trip and I don't do well in a car for that long. Nothing a little Xanax can't take care of though right?