It's official

One of my life's few regrets is not taking Justin up on his offer to document our experience with infertility 4 years ago. I remember it so well, him talking about how cool it would be to document the whole thing with video and pictures. I remember making the appointment for February 14th, 2004 and thinking this whole ordeal would finally be over in just a few months. Never did it cross my mind that we wouldn't have a baby until February of 2007. I remember getting the letter in the mail from Kaiser saying that the test results from Jared were so low, we were going to have to seek help elsewhere. (They only help up to IUI and we were no where close to that being helpful.) We never took Justin up on his offer to help document the experience and we were left to conquer this on our own. Many nights were spent feeling alone, and bitter. Many times we wanted to throw our hands in the air and give up. Miracles happened. People came into our lives that we will forever be indebted to, and our little miracle is here.

So fast forward to 2008. With each passing month, and our "baby" turning into a toddler very quickly, the nagging feelings of "this is when normal couples usually start to have another baby..." have been creeping into our daily conversations. If we could just "get pregnant" this would be a no brainer. Done deal. But with us, it has to be a long, thought out, financially prepared decision made between both of us. (And a small army of doctors, nurses, embryologists, etc...)

Then I got this email from Jared-

Shanny,
I do LOVE the HELL out of you. I just wanted to tell you that I want to be with you forever. We have a great little family and in the near future I can feel our family will get a little bigger and I will love to go through HELL with you again to have a chance on another KODY or DINKAS. LOVE,
NESS

It was this email, and the love and encouragement from best friends and family that helped solidify our decision to TRY AGAIN TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY!! We are going to roll the dice and see what happens ONE MORE TIME. This time around things will be a little different though. We will NOT do back to back (to back to back to back) rounds of IVF. If it doesn't work, we will give my body, (and our marriage) some time to recover. This is a VERY stressful thing to go through and although doing it this way might take us a little longer, I feel like we will be able to maintain some of our sanity. My friends have promised to stand by me and not judge me when things get "crazy." My sister has promised to not make fun of me when I start to pack on the fertility fifteen! (Those IVF doctors love a round woman)

So there you have it. Our decision has been made. In the past, we have tried to keep this private only to be left feeling alone. That's why I am putting it out there for all to expereince with us. We are going to try our best to document the whole thing. The road we face ahead is going to be long and filled with emotion. Since this blog is mainly for journaling purposes, I thought it would be interesting for all to read. The good, the bad, and the infertile.

Our first appointment is for this Wednesday November 12th, 2008. Jared will have another analysis done and we will talk to the doctor and come up with a game plan. We are excited and ready to do this again. Please keep us in your prayers and remember not to judge when I "fly off the handle." It's not me. It's the drugs. :)


Our goal: