It's no secret that my relationship with Jared's side of the family has been less than perfect. I don't want to get into all the details because really- who cares?!? Long story short- I will always be on the "outs" with his family. Jared and I have managed to brush in under the carpet for a long time because it's never been an easy subject for either of us to discuss without a huge fight being the result. So we just choose to ignore it. After all isn't ignorance bliss? But, with the upcoming "Bi-Annual Miles Family Cruise" on the horizon, things seem to have gotten a little more personal and hurtful lately.
Over the past few weeks things were increasingly getting worse and I didn't want to go on the cruise anymore. I knew there would be a huge fight and/or some one's feelings would be hurt (they always do) and I didn't want to be a part of it. Seriously, it's for 2 and 1/2 weeks and I will be stuck on a boat for heavens sake! No thank you!! So what was a girl to do? Who do I talk to? How do I tell Jared without him freaking out? Well, I do what I always do....I called Bud.
Most people might be embarrassed to admit they talk to a therapist but I am not one of those people. I love having another opinion and hearing another point of view. I sat down on the couch and unloaded. I had some things to get off my chest to say the least! He smiled. Looked at his watch (which didn't phase me or slow me down at all) and I kept going. When I was all done, he smiled again and said the following things that made every penny I was paying him to listen to me worth it!
Bud: You are not crazy.
Me: But I really think I am getting there.
Bud: You are a great catch and Jared is lucky to have you.
Me: But what if things don't work out with Jared and I? Is your son still single?
Bud: I wouldn't do that to him. You are not an option.
Me: Oh. So what do I do?
Bud: Have you ever seen wheat fields grow? They are beautiful aren't they? You know, when they get really tall and sway in the wind sdjfsjfskakjaf (if you've ever talked to Bud, you know what that means)....
Me: Uhhh, I guess so. (had no clue where this was going)
Bud: Have you ever seen the view of a wheat field from the top? In most fields, there are rock quarries. Little piles here and there in the fields. But you can't see them from our view.
Me: Okay, but back to me being crazy...
Bud: Farmers could spend a lot of time and money to excavate the rocks. But, it would be very hard labor and it really doesn't make a difference if they are there or not. The rocks don't affect the wheat from growing at all.
Me: I don't get it
Bud: Jared's family is your rock quarry. You just need to grow around it and plow that field any ways. No need to excavate the rocks or "fix" the rocks. Just focus on the crop.
Me: (crying now because this is all making sense after 5 years!) Oh.
Bud: That will be $80.
To some, this might not be that big of a deal. To someone like me who has to have everything perfect- this was a major breakthrough. I have come to terms with the fact that this is the hand I am dealt- and that's okay. Sure I don't have the relationship I think I should have with them, but that's okay. I am still a great person and my crop is still worth harvesting! We are going to be just fine!
I started this blog as an attempt to fill our friends and family in on the who's the what's and the where abouts of our family. Enjoy the ride...
10 comments:
What if your husband is the rock pile? Do you still just grow around it?!? Mmmmm...
I'm glad Bud was able to provide some clarity with an agricultural lesson thrown in. He didn't charge for both, right? And as um, well, rocky as the in-law relationship is, I think the important thing is that you and Jared are good. Of course, easier said than done, but he and those beautiful babies are your wheat field and you all deserve to be happy together. So are you going on the cruise or not? I'm curious now.
We haven't exactly worked out all the details as to if I am going or not. If I do go- there will have to be some MAJOR changes to the way we do things. I guess thats for Jared to decide. But, I haven't cancelled my reservation...yet.
I hope you dont mind me giving my opinion on this as well (hey at least it's free). I think you should go on the cruise. I agree with Jenn that the most important thing is your relationship with Jared. If its going to cause problems with him then that should be considered when making the decision to go or not.
However as far as the in laws are concerned, at some point you have to make the decision as to where you both (you and the in laws) are comfortable. You will have to make some adjustments and compromises but if you can find a place that's comfortable and acceptable it will make your life with Jared and with your in laws a whole lot easier. It may take some time to get there but is Jared worth it? Only you can answer that. Good luck!
Yes, you just keep growing up and around the rock pile even if the rock pile is your husband. Sometimes the rocks will just disappear! (Personal experience...) They can either disappear because hubby disappears, or hubby can change. The important thing is that you are where YOU need to be.
I don't know if that question was serious or not - I have friends who have been in that situation, and it stinks!
Of course Jared is worth it Robbie. It's already been 5 years and things with his family have not changed and yet- we keep plugging along. I have let go of any and all fantasized relationships I expected to have with his family and only then did I realize that my relationship with Jared is really the only one that matters in the end. (don't make me get all scriptural on this post!) Let me make something clear-when Jared's family goes on vacation- they do EVERYTHING together. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner and EVERYTHING in between. It's just a lot to take on for almost 3 weeks. But as of last night- Jared and I have agreed to go on the cruise and set our own schedule. If that means we happen to have dinner alone- so be it. We have the right to be a married couple not just children during this trip. We are going and hoping for the best. I am not expecting much as far as my relationship with his family is concerned that way I can't be disappointed right? My mom used to tell me to do that all the time. About time I start listening to her! :P Wish me luck!
Good decision. And good luck. And have a good time with your wheat field, I mean husband.
Elisa's comment is funny. :) You know how I feel about all this, but if my opinion means anything I think you should bag the cruise and come here for three weeks! I would even put a mint on your pillow every night. Think about it.
at least you wont be sharing a room with kenny...that's a pro, right? oh i miss the pharm and hearing all the miles drama!
Thanks for calling me back...
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