Thursday, November 27, 2008

Team Thanksgiving

We've been in Texas since Sunday having too much time on our hands and finding interesting ways to entertain 5 kids who want to have "fun". Here are some highlights:

The trampoline. It has only caused 1 split lip, 1 almost broken foot which hurt so bad we had to go to the Emergency room for x-rays, 1 almost broken knee, and too many fights to be counted...

Steve on constant "Di-a-b'-t-is" watch with Sue on alarm for PROTEIN at any given moment...

Sharalyn making me help her with the turkey (it was my first time) and telling me the neck was actually the pee pee. Who knew right?

Buying tickets for the whole family to go see the ICE show knowing it would only be 9 degrees inside and deciding to wear flip flops any ways. (And dressing Fletch in shorts and a T shirt!)
*Side note- I used to think being frozen to death would be the way to go. I hear you get so cold, you actually then get warm and fall asleep and then it's over. 16 minutes in the ICE show has changed my minds about this...

Sharalyn waking me up at 7 in the morning telling me we need to go to The Walmart. The only form of me "getting ready" that day consisted of me putting a bra on.

Sharalyn and I deciding to go on a long run together and her coming downstairs telling me it was 33 degrees outside that morning. I can handle it I thought. WRONG. I've never been so cold in my life- or so I thought...Later that day, we went to the ICE show and proved that I could be colder

And last, we have Lennix and Fletcher who have found LOVE this trip around. We found them in the bath soaping each other up while hugging and kissing and Fletcher telling "Whinny" to touch it because it tickles. At least it's not longer Pinchy Pinchies and Bite-y Bites.

Just thought I would capture a sweet moment with my dad. I knew we were more alike than he realized! Cant be good for his bad case of the SUGARS right?

Friday, November 21, 2008


Sometimes I'm bursting at the seams to write stuff for my blog. Other times I'm not. Today is one of those other times. Lucky for you though, I have some cute pics that I should probably have posted a month ago but never got around to because I've been busy. Really busy. A lot of games of Bejeweled on my iPhone, a lot of laundry that has been washed and folded and placed in nice little piles to be put away at a later time, and a lot of looking at fabulous websites that have really cute things that I want to buy. Like I said, really busy. So, in no particular order: here's what we've been up to lately: Love this picture of Dubbs and Lennix. Take a good look at her costume, because that was the last time she wore that beauty before she got Hand Foot Mouth disease and ruined any trace of Halloween. Do I seem bitter? I was. But I'm over it now.

Here's Kody and Hunter. Kody has worshiped Hunt from the second they moved into our ward. He always makes sure that I know that Hunter is his BEST FRIEND.

Probably my favorite picture to date! Doesn't even need a caption. Pure Love. Pure. Love.

This picture was taken by Kody when Lennix was obviously in one of her better moods. I have no idea why she was screaming like this, and I probably didn't do anything to calm her down either. Life with two kids makes me giggle sometimes. Isn't she a gem?? But, for whatever the reason- I love this picture. I really do.

The 13th- I saw her smiling. I heard her laughing. I felt the warmth of her hugs and she was so close. She enjoyed the night right along with the rest of us. No doubt in my mind.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Count Dracula

We finally got the call from the doctor with the result from Jareds "count test." Let me back it up real quick and give you some background so you'll have something to refrence to: the average males sperm count is between 10 million and 40 million. With 40-50% motility. (use-able sperm) When Jared was first tested in 2004, his results were 400,000 with less than 5% motility. Quick math will tell you that's less than 20,000 of use-able sperm. In 2006 after going to Dr. Keh and doing serious sesions of acupunture and NAET therapy, his results were 9 million (told you she was a miracle worker) and 5% motility. (That gave us 450,000 good ones to choose from- and from that batch, we got Lennix) Now onto todays results: 2.5 million with 20% motility. YEAH YEAH YEAH!! That means if we had to do IVF today, we would have 500,000 little ones swimming around. This is great news because Jared just started with Dr. Keh again, so I have all the faith in the world that she will be able to do some drastic things. Im excited. Really excited. I feel hope for the first time in a long time.

Sorry for the graphic picture but it was the only one I could find and I was in a hurry!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Sometimes Barney's right...

This morning I laid on the couch and watched some Barney with Lennix. I know, I know- I'm such a good mom. So the story line went like this:
Barney's friend Baby Bop had this flower that she loved so much. She watered it, and took care of it and then one day, she came to the garden and the flower had died. Which obviously made Baby Bop really sad. Barney decided to cheer her up by singing her a song. (duh) I swear- I think he was singing directly to me! Here are the words:

When we lose something we love
It can be hard to let it go.
But learning how to say goodbye
Is another way we grow.
No matter what happens
There's always tomorrow
To bring in the sunshine
And wash out the sorrow.
With friends you can count on
And people you love
You'll feel better
When tomorrow comes.
You may feel sad down inside
It's okay to let it show
These feelings that you are feeling
Will surely come and go.

I wish tomorrow would hurry up and come soon! At the end of the song, Baby Bop said again how sad she was and her "friends" asked Barney what they could do for her. Barney's reply? "Sometimes, all we can do is be a friend." Barney's got it right!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Jared and I woke up this morning with an "as to be expected" amount of anxiety. Today was the day we would take the first step towards adding another baby to our family!! Yikes!! Jared went and taught seminary as usual but said his lesson turned into a motivational speech. Probably more for us than them. I had the normal breakfast rush with the kids and then headed off for a run long enough to calm any jitters I was feeling.

We made the hour long drive to Westwood and tried not to acknowledge the obvious feelings that were swirling in both our minds. Things seemed to be going perfectly. We found parking right away, Lennix was is a great mood, we pushed the UP button in the elevator and then...we were home.

From the second we walked off the elevator, the receptionist had come around to greet us both with hugs and make us comfortable. From the financial coordinator to the Embryologist- they all came out of their offices to say hello. Lennix was her usual shy self but cute none the less. Then came the doctor. He walks out to see us and casually asks what we were doing here. (Most of his patients just stop by to say hello) I told him we were thinking about doing IVF again and his face says it all. Complete shock. He whisks us into his office and pulls up our information. "Well, if you're ever going to do it- nows the time." Great I thought. Nows the time. Because it had been so long since I had been tested for any abnormalities, he said that I had to be re-tested to make sure there weren't any new things we needed to address before we started a Cycle. (Each time we do IVF- they call it a cycle. Each "cycle" comes with it's own folder Labeled "Cycle" # _ , and a "cycle" calender. We've got a nice collection so far...we're up to 5 folders!)

Lennix starts to get fussy and is ready to get out of there. Jared and I were doing a good job wrangling her until the doctor kindly asks us to "let her go." He said, I want her to run around the office as she pleases. I explained that I was just trying to be considerate of the other women sitting in the waiting room who didn't have children. Yet. He said, "let her go- this is what the women want to see. They want to see that there is hope. That this is the end result they can have too." How true those words rang in my ears. With that, I let her go run free. When we were done talking to the doctor, we walked out and I looked around the waiting room. The same desperate, anxious, hormone raged look on all their faces- was one I recognized. I scooped Lennix in my arms and was reminded once again- there is hope. Another one of these squiggly squishy babies can be our end result again. Nows the time to do it.

Lennix and I said our goodbyes to the staff, and gave Jared a quick kiss as he headed into "the room" with his cup in hand. I made it down the elevator, 1 block down Gaylee St. and had just ordered my Jamba Juice when Jared called and said he was done. Wow. Gotta love a man who's efficient.

So now we call for the "count results" tomorrow and then will get the full analysis results back in 1 week. I have to make an appointment for a fluid ultra sound and blood work.(Probably some time after Thanksgiving) Jared in the mean time is going to start going to our Witch Doctor again. Gotta love Dr. Keh! She is an acupuncturist who specializes in NAET therapy. I could try and explain what NAET is but I always end up sounding crazy. Yes, you really can be allergic to wind! Look into it if you have any not already and I promise you will not be disappointed. She is truely a miracle worker!

There's the update. I am feeling a mix of emotions ranging from excited to scared to death. And yet, through out it all- I feel a peace that wasn't there before. The thought crossed my mind this morning as I was in the shower- Now that Ginger is watching me from the other side, I've got the best of the best pulling strings for me up there! Even as I'm sitting here typing, I can feel her cheering me on. Literally. Put in a good word for me G!

This is the man of the hour. Vicken Sahakian and Lennix October 2008

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It's official

One of my life's few regrets is not taking Justin up on his offer to document our experience with infertility 4 years ago. I remember it so well, him talking about how cool it would be to document the whole thing with video and pictures. I remember making the appointment for February 14th, 2004 and thinking this whole ordeal would finally be over in just a few months. Never did it cross my mind that we wouldn't have a baby until February of 2007. I remember getting the letter in the mail from Kaiser saying that the test results from Jared were so low, we were going to have to seek help elsewhere. (They only help up to IUI and we were no where close to that being helpful.) We never took Justin up on his offer to help document the experience and we were left to conquer this on our own. Many nights were spent feeling alone, and bitter. Many times we wanted to throw our hands in the air and give up. Miracles happened. People came into our lives that we will forever be indebted to, and our little miracle is here.

So fast forward to 2008. With each passing month, and our "baby" turning into a toddler very quickly, the nagging feelings of "this is when normal couples usually start to have another baby..." have been creeping into our daily conversations. If we could just "get pregnant" this would be a no brainer. Done deal. But with us, it has to be a long, thought out, financially prepared decision made between both of us. (And a small army of doctors, nurses, embryologists, etc...)

Then I got this email from Jared-

I do LOVE the HELL out of you. I just wanted to tell you that I want to be with you forever. We have a great little family and in the near future I can feel our family will get a little bigger and I will love to go through HELL with you again to have a chance on another KODY or DINKAS. LOVE,

It was this email, and the love and encouragement from best friends and family that helped solidify our decision to TRY AGAIN TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY!! We are going to roll the dice and see what happens ONE MORE TIME. This time around things will be a little different though. We will NOT do back to back (to back to back to back) rounds of IVF. If it doesn't work, we will give my body, (and our marriage) some time to recover. This is a VERY stressful thing to go through and although doing it this way might take us a little longer, I feel like we will be able to maintain some of our sanity. My friends have promised to stand by me and not judge me when things get "crazy." My sister has promised to not make fun of me when I start to pack on the fertility fifteen! (Those IVF doctors love a round woman)

So there you have it. Our decision has been made. In the past, we have tried to keep this private only to be left feeling alone. That's why I am putting it out there for all to expereince with us. We are going to try our best to document the whole thing. The road we face ahead is going to be long and filled with emotion. Since this blog is mainly for journaling purposes, I thought it would be interesting for all to read. The good, the bad, and the infertile.

Our first appointment is for this Wednesday November 12th, 2008. Jared will have another analysis done and we will talk to the doctor and come up with a game plan. We are excited and ready to do this again. Please keep us in your prayers and remember not to judge when I "fly off the handle." It's not me. It's the drugs. :)

Our goal:

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Honk Honk Honk Honk

I am so glad it's November 4th! I am ready for this country to stop being divided and follow whichever leader it is we choose. Together. This election has been different than any other is so many ways for my family. Probably the biggest change from past elections is that Kody is finally able to understand and ask questions about what is going on with this country. This has proven to be a good AND bad thing. Let me explain...

A few weeks ago, Kody asked me who I was voting for. Actually he said something like, "Mom, you should vote for Rock Obama. Yes "Rock Obama." I asked him why to which he responded, Because he's going to win. I tried to gently explain the whole Republican vs Democrate thing, and the whole "In America we get to cast a vote for who we think is best suited for the job thing..." He seemed satisfied with this until he walked away and said "Well on Nickelodeon, it says Rocks gonna win. Why would you want to vote for a Grandpa loser?" Good point Kody. (I casted my vote for McCain anyways...)

Then this whole Prop 8 thing. Ugggghhhh. It seems as though this past month, people have gotten more and more heated about this topic. Thus, I chose to sit this one out. I was told by the Prophet to vote yes and so I will. and I did. No matter what my beliefs are on this issue, they don't compare to my Prophet asking me to do something. Plain and simple. Kody goes to a private Christian school anyways so they whole teaching kids about gay marriage in schools part doesn't really bother me. If anything, this just re-enforces my decision I made 4 years ago to enroll him in that school. All Pro and Con Prop 8 stuff aside, gay marriage was not something I wanted to discuss with my child this early in his life. Because of the raging crowds on the corner of Sycamore and Cochran, I have had to subject my children to screaming adults who have filthy language and answer questions like "Why do they say to vote for Love if they are so mad?" It got so bad the other day, we actually took a different route to my parents house just to avoid the mess.

When Kody finally asked me what Prop 8 was about, I asked him if he had ever heard of the term "gay." He answered yes and I was not prepared for the convo we were about to have. I proded him some more about what he actually knew and he said being "gay" meant "someone who is not following Jesus Christ." We'll go with that. I asked him if he had ever heard the term "homo." Yes again. !! Yikes. !! I asked what he thought that meant and he said " a person that doesn't have a home and travels around hitch hiking on a train." Good job Kody. Hobo and Homo. Not exactly the same thing, but I'm not going there.

Now came the tricky part. I tried to explain to him about families and Mommys and Daddys. I explained to him about how only a mommy and daddy can make a baby to which he says "well the Dr made Lennix and he wasn't the mommy or the daddy." Kind of hard to disagree with that one. Gotta love IVF!

After many (and I mean MANY) conversations about Prop 8 with Kody, he finally said "I'm just glad they haven't passed a law that says that a mommy can't marry her son!" What??!! I said they already had- it's illegal and it's called insest. No more questions- I would explain it when he got older. Bought me some time right?
Last night as we laid in bed together, Kody asked if I was going to vote today. I told him how excited I was and I was grateful to live in a country that gave the people the right to vote. He looked at me with those big brown eyes (that he got from me) and said, "You're not going to vote for Rock Obama just because he's black huh?" I don't think I could have smiled any bigger. It's moments like these that make me fall a little further in love with him.
I have loved this time of year. I have loved watching the TV and biographies of all candidates. I have loved reading about all the Props and making MY OWN decision for which way I will cast my vote. As I drove to Kody's school today, proudly wearing my I VOTED sticker, they had the whole 1st grade line the carpool lanes with signs that said ROCK THE VOTE and HONK FOR AMERICA. (Well, actually one little girl held her sign that read: ETOV and the little boy next her held his sign that read VOET.) All these tiny little voices were urging people to cast their vote. As tears came down my face, I honked my horn proudly and was grateful that these kids are my future!!